yay a post. finally.

first off let me tell you that i'm so glad we have a four day weekend. one day down and three to go. but i really needed it. i've been stressing too much, crying too much, and not having enough sleep/fun.. too much. also, I got an A in calculus, so the day was grand.

so sadies is next saturday. i don't particularly feel like commenting on that at this moment.

and basically my dad thinks i'm the shittiest daughter ever. i wonder who put those thoughts into his head.. jfskdljamarryannajfkda!! i assume its partly my fault for not visiting him enough. but sometimes i really cant stand that bitch. she's quite possibly the biggest ignoramous in the world. but i really do miss my brother. i have a huge dread of him growing up without me, and i want to be able to be there for him, but with college i know i cant be at his side. and the "new" brother that's due in december, i'm just kind of resentful about. Consider this: my dad is nearly 55 and works hard, isn't exactly in perfect health, and they always seem to be tight on money. WHY NOT HAVE ANOTHER BABY?! they don't seem to understand that they will have to eventually buy cars, insurance, and send these kids to college. its not just simply having a baby. and i can foresee them having another one because marry ann isn't content with having all boys. IT HAS TO BE A GIRL. what the fuck am i? apparently, not part of the family. oh disownage. i loved my dad most out of all of my.. four parents? however, when my dad doesn't love me anymore, there's something wrong with the world. thinking about it makes me cry. like right now.

but i guess there's other things attributing to the tears that i don't feel like talking about at the moment. maybe i'm being foolish. i'm just so convinced of my own cynicism. oh boys, somethings bound to go wrong.

tomorrow.. em and danica's halloween party. YAY! never back down.

somebody explain to me the concept of nevada day. what the hell is its significance? do other states have like.. "oregon day" and the kids dont have to go to school?! i think its a dumb excuse for a holiday. but at least i have no school.

also.. i really like how i only write in my xanga when i'm completely pissed off. i'm not suicidal, i promise. only depressed, sometimes  and i have deduced that the world is full of fools. myself included, but shit, that's life.

my mom comes home from china tomorrow. back to hell for me.

...you've got your gun to my head.